Monday Friday
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Udurawana Jokes: Few Stories
Udurawana bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
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Udurawana : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend : Really, what is he studying.
Udurawana : No he is not studying, They r Studying him.
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Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Udurawana: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Interviewer shouts: Stop it.
Udurawana : Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
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Udurawana : Doctor, In my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Udurawana : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
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Udurawana : If I die will u remarry?
Wife : No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Udurawana : No, I'll also stay with your sister
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Udurawana : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife : How do you know??
Udurawana : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD ! U have came again..
Medical Claim.!!
A couple went to the sex therapists office at Appollo Hospital .
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?".
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them Rs.300/=
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to
find out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married And we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house.Cinnamon Grand charges Rs. 10,000, Taj charges Rs.7,000,Galadari charges Rs.6000. We do it here for Rs.300/= & and I get that back from Medical Claim !
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?".
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them Rs.300/=
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to
find out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married And we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house.Cinnamon Grand charges Rs. 10,000, Taj charges Rs.7,000,Galadari charges Rs.6000. We do it here for Rs.300/= & and I get that back from Medical Claim !
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Good one
A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the top - of - the - line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. AS she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her Accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, if you farted just by touchingit, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Politics - Old Joke with a new vision
Whether Conservative, Liberal or Labour , I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby as severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby as severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
It could have been worse
Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.''
His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.
Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''
His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.
Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Funny Short Stories
1. A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this: Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if you are still in Darkness
Please PAY your ELECTRICITY BILL.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this: Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if you are still in Darkness
Please PAY your ELECTRICITY BILL.
Sri Lanka's Funniest Emails
Little Jonny: I like the way you are thinking
A teacher in a mathematics lecture asks a 3rd std class,
" If there are 3 birds on a tree and u shoot one of them, how many birds would remain??".Johnny,the naughtiest of the lot, shoots up his hand.
teacher: "ok johnny ,whats the answer?".
Johnny: "none,ma'am.
teacher: "how?"
Johnny:" after hearing the shot ,all the other birds will also fly away."
Teacher:"no johnny, the answer here is 2,but I like the way u r thinkin.
now johnny has a doubt.
Johhny: " teacher can i ask u a question?
Teacher: "sure"
johnny:" there are three ladies havin ice cream at the parlour.the first
one is eating it,the second is lickin it while the third one is suckin on
it.can u tell which one of the ladies is married??"
teacher is terribly embaressed,but she puts on a brave face and answers.
Teacher: "I....I..... .I guess the one which is suckin on the ice cream is married."
Johnny:" no ma'am, the one who has the wedding ring on her finger is
Married, BUT I LIKE THE WAY U R THINKIN G."!!!!!
" If there are 3 birds on a tree and u shoot one of them, how many birds would remain??".Johnny,the naughtiest of the lot, shoots up his hand.
teacher: "ok johnny ,whats the answer?".
Johnny: "none,ma'am.
teacher: "how?"
Johnny:" after hearing the shot ,all the other birds will also fly away."
Teacher:"no johnny, the answer here is 2,but I like the way u r thinkin.
now johnny has a doubt.
Johhny: " teacher can i ask u a question?
Teacher: "sure"
johnny:" there are three ladies havin ice cream at the parlour.the first
one is eating it,the second is lickin it while the third one is suckin on
it.can u tell which one of the ladies is married??"
teacher is terribly embaressed,but she puts on a brave face and answers.
Teacher: "I....I..... .I guess the one which is suckin on the ice cream is married."
Johnny:" no ma'am, the one who has the wedding ring on her finger is
Married, BUT I LIKE THE WAY U R THINKIN G."!!!!!
Sri Lanka's Funniest Emails
Women and Clothes
Women's life is very hard.
Morning- wash clothes.
Morning- wash clothes.
Noon- Dry clothes.
Evening- Iron clothes
Night- Remove clothes
Late Midnight- Searching clothes
Is there Cricket in Heaven? Sanath and Attapattu
Sanath and Atapattu, now pretty old guys, 80 and 86 years old,are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about cricket,like they do every day.
Sanath turns to Atapattu and says, "Do you think there's cricket in heaven?"
Atapattu thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Atapattu passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sanath is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sanath... Sanath !"
Sanath responds, " Marvan ! Is that you ?"
"Yes it is, Sana ," whispers Attapattu's ghost. Sanath, still amazed, asks, "So, is there cricket in heaven?"
"Well,"says Atapattu , "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first,"says Sanath.
Atapattu says, "Well... there is cricket in heaven."
Sanath says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that ?"
Atapattu sighs and whispers, "You are going to open the innings this Friday."
Sanath turns to Atapattu and says, "Do you think there's cricket in heaven?"
Atapattu thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Atapattu passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sanath is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sanath... Sanath !"
Sanath responds, " Marvan ! Is that you ?"
"Yes it is, Sana ," whispers Attapattu's ghost. Sanath, still amazed, asks, "So, is there cricket in heaven?"
"Well,"says Atapattu , "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first,"says Sanath.
Atapattu says, "Well... there is cricket in heaven."
Sanath says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that ?"
Atapattu sighs and whispers, "You are going to open the innings this Friday."
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Little Jonny: How many rabbits?
Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven Sir
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2
rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and
another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and
another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!
Teacher: Where the **** do you get seven from?
Johnny: Because I've ****in already got one at home.
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and
another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!
Teacher: Where the **** do you get seven from?
Johnny: Because I've ****in already got one at home.
Little Jonny - Black Eye
The naughty, Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"
"But Dad, it was not my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That`s when she hit me!"
"Johnny," the father said. "You don`t do those kind of things to women."
The very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny`s father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad," Johnny said, "It was not my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn`t like this, so I pushed it back in!"
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"
"But Dad, it was not my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That`s when she hit me!"
"Johnny," the father said. "You don`t do those kind of things to women."
The very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny`s father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad," Johnny said, "It was not my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn`t like this, so I pushed it back in!"
Monday, February 8, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
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